Lady’s Lament

Why are bathrooms in New York always cold?
In winter, even the bathroom supplies huddle
under the sink, and are of no use.

Not that big of a problem
to those with warm bathrooms and hot towels
but just think about it—

what’s worse than pulling down your pants
bladder about to burst, and that genital chill
worse than any fever you’ve had in your short life!

To bathe is to freeze yourself completely—
cold breezes caressing your wet bum
every hair on your body erect, even the ones

you shaved off just last night to look sexy. The hair’s
growing back to keep you warm, and here you are,
cursing its kindness. Still, three days is a long time

not to bathe—but perhaps not so, for I would sooner
wear the warmest clothes in this chamber
than rush into the coldness of that loo!

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